Character
I visited Blacksburg recently and had a conversation with a friend that really got me thinking (surprise surprise, I know). My friend and I don’t necessarily have the same social circle, though I don’t see a problem with either. But talking about these circles helped me realize something. If you know how I like to keep my relationships with people, you know that I try my hardest not to have bad blood with anyone. This is mostly because the way I see it, life is too unpredictable to hold grudges or to create a darkness in your heart for someone over something that’s probably genuinely not worth it. Imagine the person you’re beefing with today, doesn’t make it to tomorrow or vice-versa; is it really worth carrying that weight around for your whole life? In maintaining my relationships, you’ll probably notice that I don’t get super close to too many people, but not so much that I seem closed off. More in the sense that I don’t go into every friendship thinking that person will be my next best friend, rather I let the vibes do their thang. I’ll easily open up to people in a conversation, but that doesn’t mean they need to know every other detail of my life when that convo is over. I also have this huge thing where I refuse to dislike someone through association. It’s happened to me before and I don’t believe in it because every person is their own individual self and one or two people’s mistakes shouldn’t close someone off from making other friends.
Something that breaks my heart is when other people’s names are slandered, whether there’s a valid reason or not. I’ve recently been having a lot of conversations with another friend about people who are in this situation and the more we talk about it, the more I realize that these people are missing out on some amazing friendships because other people decided to ruin their name. Not only that, but so many people are missing out on becoming friends with such amazing souls. Time and time again, I find myself being reminded that my outlook on people and relationships has a bigger impact than I think it does. My outlook on friendships is that everyone should be given a chance. Some people you vibe with and others you don’t — and there’s nothing wrong with that. But the issue becomes when someone tells you 5 bad things about someone and completely bad-mouths their whole existence so you decide not even to go as far as waving Hi to them when you pass them on campus. I think people should be viewed through their character, not their flaws. And that character should be decided for oneself, not through how other people see a person. There is so much irony in the fact that people would even honestly have the audacity to judge someone because of their flaws, as if we don’t all have them. If someone shows or tells you their flaws, they are being vulnerable. And as someone who is passing those flaws on to other people and making someone seem like a bad person, well you know what they say; when you point one finger at someone, 3 point back at you. What right do we, as humans, have to judge anyone based on their flaws or imperfections as if we’re perfect ourselves.
Judging is a human trait. We all do it, and we can say we don’t all we want but pls be real with yourself for a second. There are a couple of people that I’ve gotten to know better recently and when they feel like I may have heard some things about them that formed my opinions of them, my heart breaks a little. I’m not one to listen to or even stay silent when someone’s ruining someone else’s name because what’s the point. My thoughts on not judging people until you learn their character are definitely something that have had me thinking a lot more recently as I’ve begun to meet more amazing people. I think a lot of times it’s easy to look at someone and develop an opinion about the person, but very few people take the time to learn the person. Gaining empathy for someone and trying to understand them is a much bigger step that I think more people need to be willing to take. What’s the point of depriving someone of meeting amazing people just because you have your differences with them and creating that darkness for someone in your heart and spreading it to others as well?
“The best among you are those who have the best manners and character” — our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).
